When I was younger I used to always have a great outlook on things. If there was some sort of disaster, I would always find the bright side. I was accused on more than one occasion of being "such a Pollyanna". Well, no more. I haven't heard those words in a very long time. I don't know if it's just human nature or part of my genealogy, but it seems like I've gotten a little cynical and grouchy in the last few weeks. Remember the house on the speedway and problems we were having in getting the sale to come to a close? Well, Praise God, it finally closed and recorded. The new people finally received their keys and are probably unpacking boxes as I type this. I'm genuinely happy for them. However, during these last 3 weeks of waiting, I have been mislead on more than one occasion. I have been out and out lied to on more than one occasion. And, I have felt a level of discouragement I have never felt before. As a matter of fact, when all the key players were telling us to "be patient it will happen", I found yet another reason to not believe it. I was becoming a negative, old grouch! Yikes, how did that happen? Finally today, we saw our bank balance online and realized the sale was final. The long wait was over. We are officially "apartment dwellers" and we couldn't be happier! Thank you God!
Speaking of God, I will be the first to admit how little I depended on Him during the last 3 weeks. I think in retrospect, He was trying to get my attention. Oh I prayed every day. I thanked Him for His goodness and grace, but looking back, I hear the words I said, but I can't remember any emotion behind it...except selfishness. "Lord, please hurry this along, so we can begin to make plans to visit our daughter and son-in-law and share in their excitement of the new baby" I remember praying. And as it got later and later in the process, my prayers sounded something like this: "Lord, please let this be over soon. We don't really want to make another house payment and a rent payment". Wow,looking back, I'll bet God was shaking His head saying, "She just doesn't get it. I have given her good health, a marriage that today is strong. The resources to be able to afford an extra house payment, rent, and other necessary payments and she's not even saying thank you for that." The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18: give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I've certainly not had a very thankful heart these last few weeks. Instead I was allowing myself to feel the weight of the circumstances rather than allowing God's mercy to shine through. And though I did not do or say anything to purposefully dishonor God, I certainly did not honor Him the way He deserves to be honored. My new favorite song is by Casting Crowns called "Praise You In This Storm". I even downloaded it as a ringtone on my phone, I love it that much. Part of the song reads: "I was sure by now/That You would have reached down/And wiped our tears away/Stepped in and saved the day/But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining. As the thunder rolls/I barely hear You whisper through the rain/"I'm with you"/And as Your mercy falls/I raise my hands and praise the God who gives/And takes away." I am ashamed. I know I could have honored God by not complaining as much and not allowing my stress level to peak at times. I could have delcared that God was in control and not any of the "key players" and I should have looked for the real reasons behind the delay, the hidden jewels He may have had for me. I should have carefully been listening for him to say "I'm with you". My gracious, heavenly Father, I come before you now with a very grateful heart. A heart that is bursting at the seams in gratitude for your mercy and your unconditional love and forgiveness. Lord, I'm sorry for the times I was so busy worrying about the situation and talking about it so much, that I missed what you may have been whispering in my ear. Father, I'm listening now and I hear your words of love and forgiveness. Please hear mine; that I will sincerely try to face the stresses of life with gratitude and I will always try to slow down enough to hear You speak. And Lord I pray, I will honor you always. Amen. Pollyanna might not live here anymore, but I do. And as long as I am able, I pray I will honor God in all that I do. By the way...did I tell you I'm going to be a grandma?!!! Praise God!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Life's Not Fair . . .
To my unborn grandchild, I want to say there will come a time when you find yourself saying that very same thing. "Life's not fair"! It might be because you think you should eat ice cream for breakfast and mommy said no. Perhaps you'll want to cross the street by yourself and your parents don't feel you're ready. As you grow older, your heart at some point, may get broken and you'll find yourself wondering how life can be so cruel. How can something so horrible happen when you didn't do anything wrong...? Truth is, life is not fair...but God is always fair.
Life has taken a strange twist for us. The house on the speedway I mentioned the other day, the one we thought we'd sold? Well, it looks like the sale is not going to go through. We had a meeting yesterday with our real estate agent and our broker, and unless there are some pretty drastic things that happen between now and 9:00 AM today, we're going to have to make some pretty tough decisions about putting the house back on the market to sell. Apparently our buyer is having a tough time obtaining a loan. So today,I'm wondering how life can be so unfair. We did everything right. We entered into an agreement with our buyers in good faith. We left our house in the very best condition possible in order to let the new people have a wonderful beginning there. We've been living in an apartment for two weeks when we could and should still be in our home. And not only have we had to make our mortgage payment, we've had to make a rent payment as well. And today I'm saying, "Life's not fair!"
We talked about it for hours after we both got home last night, playing out several scenarios. How if we'd have done anything differently, could it have changed the outcome? We'll never know for sure. But we did realize one thing for sure, that if we had missed out on this experience, and at this point, still not knowing the ultimate outcome, we would have missed out on an opportunity to see God working in our lives. We wouldn't have seen our dependence on God deepen as it has. We have observed positive changes in our character that would have gone unnoticed. We would have missed the opportunity to rely on each other more, as we have. When one of us was exhausted and worn down, the other one carried on. We were each other's biggest cheerleaders and supporters. Not to say we didn't each collectively have our meltdowns, but compared to stressful times in our past, we have grown tremendously. Life's not fair...sure, there will always be times when that's true...at first glance. But, put some distance between you and the situation you're finding yourself in and you just might see the bigger picture and see that God is always fair. Lean on God when the world seems unfair. He will always be there. Oh yeah...did I tell you I'm going to be a grandma? Life's good!
Gracious Heavenly Father, Thank you for loving us so much that you protect us from ourselves. That the things we think we deserve to have today, you sometimes save for later. Knowing that in time, it will be appreciated and used to glorify You. Help us to recognize that if we wait, sometimes the outcome will be even better. Forgive us for being the selfish children we are and for thinking we deserve to have it our way, all the time. I ask God, that You show us how to depend on You more, to seek Your word and listen to Your truths for our life, based on what You want for us Lord, and not what we think we should have. Thank you again for your Son and the sacrifices that were made for us. Our difficult times and stressful situations pale in comparison to what He has suffered for us. Help me to remember that always. In Jesus' name...Amen.
Life has taken a strange twist for us. The house on the speedway I mentioned the other day, the one we thought we'd sold? Well, it looks like the sale is not going to go through. We had a meeting yesterday with our real estate agent and our broker, and unless there are some pretty drastic things that happen between now and 9:00 AM today, we're going to have to make some pretty tough decisions about putting the house back on the market to sell. Apparently our buyer is having a tough time obtaining a loan. So today,I'm wondering how life can be so unfair. We did everything right. We entered into an agreement with our buyers in good faith. We left our house in the very best condition possible in order to let the new people have a wonderful beginning there. We've been living in an apartment for two weeks when we could and should still be in our home. And not only have we had to make our mortgage payment, we've had to make a rent payment as well. And today I'm saying, "Life's not fair!"
We talked about it for hours after we both got home last night, playing out several scenarios. How if we'd have done anything differently, could it have changed the outcome? We'll never know for sure. But we did realize one thing for sure, that if we had missed out on this experience, and at this point, still not knowing the ultimate outcome, we would have missed out on an opportunity to see God working in our lives. We wouldn't have seen our dependence on God deepen as it has. We have observed positive changes in our character that would have gone unnoticed. We would have missed the opportunity to rely on each other more, as we have. When one of us was exhausted and worn down, the other one carried on. We were each other's biggest cheerleaders and supporters. Not to say we didn't each collectively have our meltdowns, but compared to stressful times in our past, we have grown tremendously. Life's not fair...sure, there will always be times when that's true...at first glance. But, put some distance between you and the situation you're finding yourself in and you just might see the bigger picture and see that God is always fair. Lean on God when the world seems unfair. He will always be there. Oh yeah...did I tell you I'm going to be a grandma? Life's good!
Gracious Heavenly Father, Thank you for loving us so much that you protect us from ourselves. That the things we think we deserve to have today, you sometimes save for later. Knowing that in time, it will be appreciated and used to glorify You. Help us to recognize that if we wait, sometimes the outcome will be even better. Forgive us for being the selfish children we are and for thinking we deserve to have it our way, all the time. I ask God, that You show us how to depend on You more, to seek Your word and listen to Your truths for our life, based on what You want for us Lord, and not what we think we should have. Thank you again for your Son and the sacrifices that were made for us. Our difficult times and stressful situations pale in comparison to what He has suffered for us. Help me to remember that always. In Jesus' name...Amen.
Friday, June 16, 2006
A Few of My Favorite Things
"Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm, woolen mittens". These are a few of "My Favorite Things". I love that song! It makes me happy. This morning I awoke to birds singing in nearby trees. Now most of you might say, "OK, so what?" What you might not realize is, we just moved off of the 3rd turn of the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Not literally obviously, but the street on the side of our house, sure made it seem that way. The noise as the cars and busses went by was constant and loud. We couldn't leave our doors and windows open because the sounds of traffic would drown out conversation as well as the television. So to actually hear birds sing their morning praises to God, was a beautiful sound to me! I pray that by the end of today I will remember the beautiful way my morning began.
It's been a rough couple of days. Our house (on the speedway) was sold a little over a month ago and we've moved into (the quiet) apartment. What is so rough about that? The house still hasn't closed and there appears to be potential problems with our buyers obtaining a loan. We're hoping by today we'll have some news as to the direction we'll be going. We know we won't be moving back, but we'll be discussing the possibility of putting our home back on the market. Pray for us...this is NOT one of "My Favorite Things".
I got a call yesterday from a dear, elderly lady in our church. Her husband has been placed in a nursing home and it won't be too long before he's called home to be with Jesus. Mary, knows this to be true and the peace she has was so contagious. After talking to her and hearing the contentment in her voice, I knew the stressful situation I thought I was in, didn't compare to hers. Yet she was at peace. Lord, how come I get it wrong more times than I get it right?
Another favorite thing of mine are fireflies, or lightning bugs for you Southerners! I saw my first firefly last summer (I was 51)when we went to visit our daughter in Nashville. I remember I squealed with delight! I don't know their ecological value to the planet, but to me, they make me happy! I can't wait for my next trip south...Did I tell you I'm going to be a Grandma? That is one of my favorite things and that makes me happy!
Father God, Creator of the Universe, I stand before you in awe at the world You created for us to enjoy. Lord forgive me for taking each day for granted. For acting like it's mine to do with what I please. Thank you for your grace and your mercy and I beg for your forgiveness. Father, to be given the honor of becoming someone's grandma, is for me, a dream come true. I loved being a parent, although at times I know I didn't do it well. But with your help Lord, I will be the best grandma my little, beloved grandchild could ever want. I promise he or she will know you by name. With your help and guidance he or she will come to know you as their friend and Savior. We give you all the honor and praises forever! Amen
It's been a rough couple of days. Our house (on the speedway) was sold a little over a month ago and we've moved into (the quiet) apartment. What is so rough about that? The house still hasn't closed and there appears to be potential problems with our buyers obtaining a loan. We're hoping by today we'll have some news as to the direction we'll be going. We know we won't be moving back, but we'll be discussing the possibility of putting our home back on the market. Pray for us...this is NOT one of "My Favorite Things".
I got a call yesterday from a dear, elderly lady in our church. Her husband has been placed in a nursing home and it won't be too long before he's called home to be with Jesus. Mary, knows this to be true and the peace she has was so contagious. After talking to her and hearing the contentment in her voice, I knew the stressful situation I thought I was in, didn't compare to hers. Yet she was at peace. Lord, how come I get it wrong more times than I get it right?
Another favorite thing of mine are fireflies, or lightning bugs for you Southerners! I saw my first firefly last summer (I was 51)when we went to visit our daughter in Nashville. I remember I squealed with delight! I don't know their ecological value to the planet, but to me, they make me happy! I can't wait for my next trip south...Did I tell you I'm going to be a Grandma? That is one of my favorite things and that makes me happy!
Father God, Creator of the Universe, I stand before you in awe at the world You created for us to enjoy. Lord forgive me for taking each day for granted. For acting like it's mine to do with what I please. Thank you for your grace and your mercy and I beg for your forgiveness. Father, to be given the honor of becoming someone's grandma, is for me, a dream come true. I loved being a parent, although at times I know I didn't do it well. But with your help Lord, I will be the best grandma my little, beloved grandchild could ever want. I promise he or she will know you by name. With your help and guidance he or she will come to know you as their friend and Savior. We give you all the honor and praises forever! Amen
Sunday, May 14, 2006
The Only Thing Constant is Change. Mother's Day 2006
Change. It's an interesting word. Two definitions come to mind. Change; as in what might be in your coin purse or pants pocket or Change; the exchange of one thing for another. This Mother's Day there is a change that's taking place in my life and it's more the latter definition. This year I'm an expectant grandma. In my earlier posts I describe it as the best news ever! And that hasn't changed, but quite honestly since that great news has been shared with me, my life is in a constant state of change. Last week our house went up for sale and within 6 days it sold. Praise God, because we desperately needed to move, however given the current market, the six day sale caught us off guard. So all day Saturday was spent apartment hunting. One of the changes that's occuring in my life is trying to decide what to do next. We're not quite at retirement age, but it's certainly not very far away. How far do we downsize? Do we need a yard for family parties and gatherings or do we simply allow the shift to occur and let our kids take those things on? Lots of "change" to be thinking about.
In addition to the change in location of our home and what that might look like, my body is going through a change and it's not what I expected. I'm 51 years old and I'm going through "The Change". That time in a woman's life that we always felt was far off in the future. The night sweats, the hot flashes, the sleepless nights....hit me like a ton of bricks. "I'm too young!", I think, but oh reality can be cruel. My daughter sends me weekly e-updates on her pregnancy. In a recent update the article explained some of the changes my pregnant daughter might be experiencing. It read: "If dramatic mood swings leave you feeling like a soap-opera actress this week, you're not alone. Hormonal fluctuations are giving your emotions the yo-yo treatment right now. One minute you're ripping into your mate for leaving the toilet seat up, and the next you're weeping over a telephone company commercial." When I read that I thought; Funny how life goes full circle. This is exactly how I'm feeling as I go through "the change". Life can be cruel! On a happier note...did I tell you I'm going to be a grandma?!!!!
Father God, I am continually amazed at how well thought out life is. The intricate details and obvious miracles that are a part of creating life are at the same time, similar to the intricate details and miracles of the body as it ages. As I wonder why Father, I will trust in your wisdom. Father, as much as I can detest growing older, I am so grateful for this body you have given me. Lord, help me to continue to be good to my body. Help me to not take it for granted. Help me to be healthy enough to give my granchild pony rides and love every minute of it! I pray God that I will honor you by honoring myself and my body. Help me to not be so critical and to appreciate what I have and not wish forever for something I don't. I will trust in your infinite wisdom.
In addition to the change in location of our home and what that might look like, my body is going through a change and it's not what I expected. I'm 51 years old and I'm going through "The Change". That time in a woman's life that we always felt was far off in the future. The night sweats, the hot flashes, the sleepless nights....hit me like a ton of bricks. "I'm too young!", I think, but oh reality can be cruel. My daughter sends me weekly e-updates on her pregnancy. In a recent update the article explained some of the changes my pregnant daughter might be experiencing. It read: "If dramatic mood swings leave you feeling like a soap-opera actress this week, you're not alone. Hormonal fluctuations are giving your emotions the yo-yo treatment right now. One minute you're ripping into your mate for leaving the toilet seat up, and the next you're weeping over a telephone company commercial." When I read that I thought; Funny how life goes full circle. This is exactly how I'm feeling as I go through "the change". Life can be cruel! On a happier note...did I tell you I'm going to be a grandma?!!!!
Father God, I am continually amazed at how well thought out life is. The intricate details and obvious miracles that are a part of creating life are at the same time, similar to the intricate details and miracles of the body as it ages. As I wonder why Father, I will trust in your wisdom. Father, as much as I can detest growing older, I am so grateful for this body you have given me. Lord, help me to continue to be good to my body. Help me to not take it for granted. Help me to be healthy enough to give my granchild pony rides and love every minute of it! I pray God that I will honor you by honoring myself and my body. Help me to not be so critical and to appreciate what I have and not wish forever for something I don't. I will trust in your infinite wisdom.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Got Advice?
A Grandma-to-be's Blog
I am so excited to be a grandma I can't stand it! Problem is...I'm sworn to secrecy. For reasons I truly respect, my daughter has asked me to keep this quiet for just a little while. She's very early in her pregnancy and wishes to wait before shouting from the rooftops. One of the reasons she shared it with me now is so I could begin praying for her unborn child, my grandchild. I am both filled with honor and pride to do this for them both.
I love talking to my daughter. She's so intelligent and insightful on so many levels. But I really love talking to her now...now that she's pregnant. You see my daughter has had a lot more experiences in life than I had. I was married practically right out of high school. She waited until after college. I don't have a college education, I haven't traveled nearly as much as she has. She's social and refined and exhumes self confidence. I on the other hand, am more reserved and self conscience about myself. She can be the life of the party and I love to observe the people at the party. However, on this topic of pregnancy, I am the more experienced one. I've had 3 children. I've raised 3 very social, wonderfully talented, and I might add beautiful babies into adulthood.. So yesterday, when she wrote an e-mail asking about something specifically pregnancy related....I was able to quickly write back my advice...and it was good!
I am going to enjoy my daughter's pregnancy. Not in a glad it's you and not me way, but in a reliving the experience kind of way. It's been 26 years since I was last pregnant and I know science and technology have come a long way since then. But the basics of being a pregnant woman haven't changed through the ages. The anticipation, the anxiousness, the sleepless nights, that first feeling of movement. Heartburn and swollen feet, choosing the perfect name. The endless trips to the bathroom. Guessing hair and eye color. These are things I know. These are things I remember. These are things I will love sharing.
Father in Heaven...in your infinite wisdom you created the miracle of birth. The beauty of seeing a mother hold her brand new baby in her arms, must bring you the ultimate joy. Watching the love between a mother and child blossom, practically at the moment of conception Lord, must be the most beautiful sight in your eyes. I know for me, watching my daughter hold her brand new baby, will give me a little glimpse of what life must be like for you. Thank you for blessing me with this gift. In your sons name I pray.
I am so excited to be a grandma I can't stand it! Problem is...I'm sworn to secrecy. For reasons I truly respect, my daughter has asked me to keep this quiet for just a little while. She's very early in her pregnancy and wishes to wait before shouting from the rooftops. One of the reasons she shared it with me now is so I could begin praying for her unborn child, my grandchild. I am both filled with honor and pride to do this for them both.
I love talking to my daughter. She's so intelligent and insightful on so many levels. But I really love talking to her now...now that she's pregnant. You see my daughter has had a lot more experiences in life than I had. I was married practically right out of high school. She waited until after college. I don't have a college education, I haven't traveled nearly as much as she has. She's social and refined and exhumes self confidence. I on the other hand, am more reserved and self conscience about myself. She can be the life of the party and I love to observe the people at the party. However, on this topic of pregnancy, I am the more experienced one. I've had 3 children. I've raised 3 very social, wonderfully talented, and I might add beautiful babies into adulthood.. So yesterday, when she wrote an e-mail asking about something specifically pregnancy related....I was able to quickly write back my advice...and it was good!
I am going to enjoy my daughter's pregnancy. Not in a glad it's you and not me way, but in a reliving the experience kind of way. It's been 26 years since I was last pregnant and I know science and technology have come a long way since then. But the basics of being a pregnant woman haven't changed through the ages. The anticipation, the anxiousness, the sleepless nights, that first feeling of movement. Heartburn and swollen feet, choosing the perfect name. The endless trips to the bathroom. Guessing hair and eye color. These are things I know. These are things I remember. These are things I will love sharing.
Father in Heaven...in your infinite wisdom you created the miracle of birth. The beauty of seeing a mother hold her brand new baby in her arms, must bring you the ultimate joy. Watching the love between a mother and child blossom, practically at the moment of conception Lord, must be the most beautiful sight in your eyes. I know for me, watching my daughter hold her brand new baby, will give me a little glimpse of what life must be like for you. Thank you for blessing me with this gift. In your sons name I pray.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
The Best News EVER!
A Grandmother's love letter to her unborn grandchild. My dear special angel: Saturday, May 6, 2006. We just received the best news. Your Mommy and Daddy called to tell us they were pregnant. Who am I you ask? I'm your Grandma. Your maternal grandmother to be exact. Now I don't know what you'll call me; Grandma, Grammy, Grandma Dawn or something of your own creation, that doesn't matter to me. I just want you to know how much you are loved already. Let me tell you a little bit about me, before I go on. My name is Dawn Marie (Webb) Bruner. I'm 51 years old. I've been married to your Grandfather Chip, for 32 years. We live in Las Vegas, NV and have, for the past 19 years. Your Mommy and Daddy both grew up in Las Vegas, but neither were born here. I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on August 17, 1954. Your great-grandparents (my parents) were Wayne (1930-1987) and Dorothy Webb. Great Grandma is still alive and doing very well. I can't wait to see her face when she finds out she is going to be a great-grandma again for the 5th time! You have 2 uncles (your mommy's brothers) Bryan (age 29) and Jeff (age 26 in a few days). Plus your daddy has a sister named Heather (she's 30 today). Your grandma and grandpa Gilles (Don & Diane) are awesome. I can't wait for you to meet everyone....but I'm getting way ahead of myself. I wanted to let you know what happened the first few minutes and the days, weeks and months that have led up to your birth...from the Grandma's perspective. I've talked to your Daddy and Mommy a couple of times since yesterday when they told us (well, I've talked to Mommy), and she's shared quite a bit of details of the weeks and months prior to your conception...(although thankfully, she left that part out). Your mommy and daddy had been trying very hard to have you. And as each month passed without an announcement, my heart broke along with theirs. Quietly I prayed for the day we would rejoice. And that day came for us, yesterday. A little background on me would include... I love kids. I always have. I've always had a special place in my heart for little ones and have always been able to connect with kids. Your mommy, her cousins and a lot of my co-workers, call me the "Baby Whisperer", because for the most part, I can quiet a baby and put them to sleep when most everyone else has given up. I usually say it's because I've bored them to sleep, but it's also because God has allowed me to share the love He has for them and now you, through me. For whatever reason, I feel His peace and unconditional love, when I'm around babies and small children and I think they feel that sense of calm I have. I've been honored to be able to really connect with so many kids, but there has always been a little piece of my heart that I've held back. And now I know I've held it back for you, my first grandchild. What joy my heart has as I think about you. Tears are streaming down my face and my heart swells with pride and joy as I think about you and your arrival. I want to be there when you're born. I pray I can be. But that's still a little ways off. Mommy says you will likely arrive into this world on or around January 3rd, 2007. I think it's the most perfect day! It's a brand new year and we'll start it with a brand new member of our family. We don't know yet if you'll be a boy or a girl. But God knows, and we have faith that is strong enough to believe that God knows what's best for us and we trust Him with our whole hearts. What a gift He has given me today. I am going to be someone's Grandma. Wow! Father in Heaven, Thank you for this precious gift, my first grandchild. Father, as this life is forming in it's mother's womb, I pray you will keep it safe. Help it to develop to full term and be delivered into this world a healthy infant. Lord, as God is my witness, I will help this child to know you, to love you and I will help to teach him or her about the unconditional love you have for him/her. I pray he/she grows to know you and chooses you as his/her Lord and Saviour. Lord, be with my daughter, Alyson and son-in-law Mike. Keep them safe from harm and help them to fully appreciate this time they have in anticipation of this new life. Help them to begin to prepare their home for this child. Help equip them with all the love, patience, rest, and spiritual readiness Lord as they patiently await the arrival of their son or daughter. Thank you God, for all the blessings you have so generously given to us. We are so unworthy. Thank you for your grace and mercy. May we continuously share that grace and mercy with everyone. In Jesus' name. Amen. I love you my precious Grandchild. And if you only knew how much and then measured that against how much God loves you, I believe you'll feel loved all the rest of your life. And that is my prayer. Your loving Grandma.
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