When I was younger I used to always have a great outlook on things. If there was some sort of disaster, I would always find the bright side. I was accused on more than one occasion of being "such a Pollyanna". Well, no more. I haven't heard those words in a very long time. I don't know if it's just human nature or part of my genealogy, but it seems like I've gotten a little cynical and grouchy in the last few weeks. Remember the house on the speedway and problems we were having in getting the sale to come to a close? Well, Praise God, it finally closed and recorded. The new people finally received their keys and are probably unpacking boxes as I type this. I'm genuinely happy for them. However, during these last 3 weeks of waiting, I have been mislead on more than one occasion. I have been out and out lied to on more than one occasion. And, I have felt a level of discouragement I have never felt before. As a matter of fact, when all the key players were telling us to "be patient it will happen", I found yet another reason to not believe it. I was becoming a negative, old grouch! Yikes, how did that happen? Finally today, we saw our bank balance online and realized the sale was final. The long wait was over. We are officially "apartment dwellers" and we couldn't be happier! Thank you God!
Speaking of God, I will be the first to admit how little I depended on Him during the last 3 weeks. I think in retrospect, He was trying to get my attention. Oh I prayed every day. I thanked Him for His goodness and grace, but looking back, I hear the words I said, but I can't remember any emotion behind it...except selfishness. "Lord, please hurry this along, so we can begin to make plans to visit our daughter and son-in-law and share in their excitement of the new baby" I remember praying. And as it got later and later in the process, my prayers sounded something like this: "Lord, please let this be over soon. We don't really want to make another house payment and a rent payment". Wow,looking back, I'll bet God was shaking His head saying, "She just doesn't get it. I have given her good health, a marriage that today is strong. The resources to be able to afford an extra house payment, rent, and other necessary payments and she's not even saying thank you for that." The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18: give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I've certainly not had a very thankful heart these last few weeks. Instead I was allowing myself to feel the weight of the circumstances rather than allowing God's mercy to shine through. And though I did not do or say anything to purposefully dishonor God, I certainly did not honor Him the way He deserves to be honored. My new favorite song is by Casting Crowns called "Praise You In This Storm". I even downloaded it as a ringtone on my phone, I love it that much. Part of the song reads: "I was sure by now/That You would have reached down/And wiped our tears away/Stepped in and saved the day/But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining. As the thunder rolls/I barely hear You whisper through the rain/"I'm with you"/And as Your mercy falls/I raise my hands and praise the God who gives/And takes away." I am ashamed. I know I could have honored God by not complaining as much and not allowing my stress level to peak at times. I could have delcared that God was in control and not any of the "key players" and I should have looked for the real reasons behind the delay, the hidden jewels He may have had for me. I should have carefully been listening for him to say "I'm with you". My gracious, heavenly Father, I come before you now with a very grateful heart. A heart that is bursting at the seams in gratitude for your mercy and your unconditional love and forgiveness. Lord, I'm sorry for the times I was so busy worrying about the situation and talking about it so much, that I missed what you may have been whispering in my ear. Father, I'm listening now and I hear your words of love and forgiveness. Please hear mine; that I will sincerely try to face the stresses of life with gratitude and I will always try to slow down enough to hear You speak. And Lord I pray, I will honor you always. Amen. Pollyanna might not live here anymore, but I do. And as long as I am able, I pray I will honor God in all that I do. By the way...did I tell you I'm going to be a grandma?!!! Praise God!
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Congrats from one 'Grand Bum' (this is what my 3 yr old Grandson calls me) to another 'Grand Bum', regarding one of God's greatest gift...a Grandchild!! Life will only get better for you...they are sooo much fun. Remember - this is the reason we moved back to Michigan because of the Grandkids. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't laugh out loud at one of them, and yes there are a few tears that go along with it all.
Keep your faith in God regarding your home....He will not give you a cross you can not bear. It is out of your hands and into God's.
You are always in my heart and often in my thoughts...I miss you terribly! I wanted to let you know that I also enjoy your prayers - there seems to be a message in each one - just for me! How do you that??!!
Love you,
Luci
Mom,
I'm SO often guilty of this. And you know it. I'll call you to tell you how frustrated I am, and you'll say "Give it to God." And I'll spit back, "No way! God gave this crap to me in the first place!" Every instance in life is an opportunity to worship God and show the world His Greatness. Sometimes, we goof that up. You, on the other hand, recognize that, and in the end, you've still shown the world that you give God all the credit and all the glory. I'm proud of you and Dad. Maybe the way that you gave God the glory in all of this was by holding onto each other, when it would have been SO easy to fight or grow distant. I'd say, you showed me how to treasure my husband's strength when my own is failing me. You done good, Mom. And I love you for it.
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